5 Things Nobody Tells You About Labour

1. Labour does not follow the text book.

   Who would have guessed that not everybody's body works in exactly the same way that a bunch of old doctors in the 1800's said it would?!?! (Hopefully you can sense my sarcasm here) When you say it out loud, it sounds obvious right?

   But it's very often what we're told. There are three distinct stages of labour. They last X amount of hours and feel a particular way. But in my experience, NOPE, not often. It is so much more nuanced. Every person on this planet is unique. And so is every labour and birth, not one is exactly the same.

   Although I think it's a great idea to LEARN about how labour and birth works, how best to support the process and what it might look and feel like, I also say take it with a pinch of salt because it may be very different from what you read about in the books.

   
   

2. Rest IS productive.

   YES...keeping active in labour can be super beneficial and freedom of movement is crucial when we look at physiological birth. BUT!!! That does not mean that resting is not productive. Think about it. If you were constantly walking, rocking, squatting or bouncing on a birth ball for the whole of a labour which lasted 15 hours do you think that would be sustainable? 100% no, it's just a one way ticket to burn out.

   I often say in those early stages, when things are just getting started, rest, rest, rest. Save your energy for when things ramp up because you don't need to chase labour. It will unfold exactly how it is was supposed to. And then, when things ramp up, we can be squatting, swaying, lunging, bouncing during those contractions. And in between contractions? You guessed it! Again we rest.

3. Your environment matters...A LOT.

   You've been told all your life that the best place to have your baby is in hospital right? Because that's the safest place?

   Not always. And before you come for me, I NEVER EVER tell people where the best place for them to have their baby is, only they can decide that and as your doula I will support you whether you choose to have your baby in a hospital theatre or in a field, I do not care as long as you're happy with your choice.

   The hormones that drive labour and birth are the same hormones that are released when we fall in love, when we have an orgasm and if we breastfeed our babies. This hormone [oxytocin], is released when we feel safe, relaxed and comfortable. So I often ask would you feel comfortable having sex in front of an audience? Would the noises of other people giving birth make you feel more or less relaxed? Would you feel at ease being in a room that you've never been in before?

   Because all that stuff matters. It has the power to either massively support the hormones that control the labour process or seriously switch them off.

4. Going with the flow isn't always the best thing to do.

   If I had a pound for every time I've heard a parent say that someone else has told them to "just go with the flow" when it comes to labour and birth then I wouldn't be sat here writing this blog, I'd be on a beach in the bloody Bahamas!!! BUT, that's the message that gets passed around often. And I'm not saying that people shouldn't be open-minded or shouldn't have a Plan B, I think that's sensible. However I advise caution when we talk about going with the flow because I think that often alludes to:

   * Not doing any research or planning

   * Not thinking about your preferences and what's important to you

   * Not considering the pros & cons of all your options

   And from what I've seen over the years, when this happens and someone 'just goes with the flow', they can be very easily being going with the flow that best suits a very stretched and strained maternity system and not what is best for their own physical and mental health and that of their baby's. Before we know it, we've ended up at a place and we've no idea how we've got there or why.

   People plan for their weddings.

   They plan for moving house.

   Why wouldn't you plan and prepare for the birthing of your baby and becoming a parent?! It just doesn't make sense.

5. Births partners need support too.

   I still can't get over the fact that we're in 2026 and there's this outdated idea still knocking around in some places that men/dads/birth partners are useless. I've heard people say, even recently that they haven't got a clue what to do during labour and can't actually help anyway because it's not them giving birth.

   BULLSHIT.

   Firstly, there's actual research that backs up the fact that birth partners can improve outcomes for mums and babies. And secondly, I've been at so many births where I have just sat and watched as dad has supported mum beautifully in a number of ways. Helping them into positions, practising breathing techniques together, emotional support, reading their favourite books out loud, making sure the birth playlist is hitting the right note, bringing the snacks...the list goes on.

   So birth partners deserve the support too!!! It's not an easy job and it ain't for the faint hearted. Being someone's birth partner is a HUGE responsibility, so those birth partners deserve every bit of acknowledgement, involvement, preparation and support along the way. They are an integral part of the birth team!!!

   Shout out to all the excellent dads, partners, wives, mothers, sisters, brothers, siblings, kids and doulas (of course) that are there throughout the process. You lot are amazing.